| The Sick Relationship | The Recovering Relationship |
|---|---|
| 1. We lived as enemies and were constantly at war. | 1. We learn that we are allies. |
| 2. We lived in fear, trying to control our relationship. | 2. We rely on a Higher Power and have faith. |
| 3. We tried to fix our partner or expected our partner to fix us. | 3. We learn to express our feelings without expectations. We learn that our partner does not have to fix us. |
| 4. We tore down or denied our partner. | 4. We learn to affirm our partner. |
| 5. We had to have the last word. | 5. We learn to listen, to hear what is really being said. |
| 6. We held our partner or our circumstances responsible for our happiness or unhappiness. | 6. We keep the focus on ourselves. |
| 7. We swung between high arrogance and low self-esteem. | 7. We learn humility. |
| 8. We couldn't allow our differences to exist. | 8. We sometimes agree to disagree. |
| 9. We were unwilling to give our partner and relationship a chance. | 9. We learn to be patient and trust the process. |
| 10. We communicated, if at all, in indirect and negative ways. | 10. We learn to communicate with trust, openness, and love. |
| 11. We lost our perspective and lived in despair. | 11. We regain our sense of humor. |
| 12. We were unable to live in the present, and crippled our relationship with projections about the future or anger about the past. | 12. We commit ourselves to our relationship one day at a time. |